I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
