i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
