The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
