I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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