I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
