so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
