We won't sleep together?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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