Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
