He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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