I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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