I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize