You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize