I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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