Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
