I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
