At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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