dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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