good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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