You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
