I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
