LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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