so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
