I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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