I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When are your genitals available?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
