I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
