worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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