Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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