Its about making memories worth repressing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
