i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize