You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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