I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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