I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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