you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
