your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
