perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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