Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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