how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
