someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I CAN MOONWALK!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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