My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
