so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
