opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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