Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
