The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't notice because vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
