Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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