it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
