I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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