Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
