i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
