oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
