Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
