I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
