My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
