Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
