I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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