His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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