You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
