Already got asked if we're dating
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
