Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
