apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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