remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
