friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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