She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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