Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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