I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
