He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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