i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
