By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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