just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize