it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dignity is for republicans.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
