Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
