never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
