oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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